Cruise Musings

I'm back from the Caribbean and kicking through snow and the promise of three more months of winter. But I'd like to languish in my week of sunshine on the Coral Princess for a bit longer. Here's what I'm left with after we dropped anchor. Did I bring the anchor with
me? Nope, that's just the Horizon Buffet.

Horizon Buffet- Whale on the horizon! Oh no, that's just my ever-expanding waist-line. With a buffet available 24/7, I don't care if you're Richard Simmons. A few days into your voyage you'll be stuffing your hole with no self control.

Cookies & milk- Yes, they serve you cookies and milk at the pool. Bloating anyone?

Tush-tastic 5 course meals: I will have the shrimp cocktail, then the beef consume, the pheasant, and finish with the chocolate log roll. You'll have to roll me out of here!

You ate what? - I learned a thing or two about fancy schmancy food. "Ooh sweetbreads, that sounds good. Is that like corn bread or something?" Not so much. Sweetbreads are the thymus gland of an animal, lamb I think. Yes, I had a bite. Then there was the pheasant, which tasted like a chewy turkey and cornish hen which tasted like chicken.

Conga lines like whoah - I entered a realm where time the Macarena is hot like fiyah, and the YMCA takes place at least once a day, and the answer to "how you feeling" is always "hot, hot, hot." All the dances and parties on board feel like a giant Bar Mitzvah. Shrimp cocktail anyone? Must not be a kosher one.

The shows - With a few small exceptions, the shows were really bad. Don't ever mention these two words together again: Duncan Tuck. Please no more trailer park jokes, I'm begging you.

Captain, captain- (In a thick Italian accent) "I pulled this beaaauutiful white lady into the harbor at four in the morning. " He loved to make announcements, but usually the only phrase that was comprehensible was "this beautiful white lady" and "this beautiful vessel."

Ship stewards have seen it all - One day we forgot to put a "Do not disturb" sign on the door. My sister was dancing in her bra and whoops, hello! Our Steward, Eliza had seen an old man and his wife getting it on earlier. That must have been the least of it. Can you say awkward?

The ports we stopped at were St. Thomas, St. Martin, and the Princess Cays. St. Thomas is the best spot for jewelry and perfume shopping in the Caribbean. We got a great deal on diamond earrings. I loved the hilly landscape of St. Thomas, and the way the island looks at night with house lights dotting the hills like little stars. Oh and they drive on the left side. One couple my folks were talking to said of St. Thomas "We went to the French side and we'll NEVER go back. It was horrible." Yeah, there's not a French side to St. Thomas...

St. Martin is nice as well. I wish I had time to see the French side of the island though.

Princess Cays was a fantastic beach spot. The cruise line did a great job setting up the island for cruisers.

One more funny note. There were some older folks on the cruise with care-takers. They had discovered that it was actually less expensive than paying for a nursing home. That's what I'm doing as an old lady. Platinum cruise line membership here I come.